Refactoring someone else’s code sucks. I did okay at work, but was really tired whole day. I am fucking sick again… need to finally prioritize my health.

Few days spent on drawing and coding. Started new application in C# and Avalonia, it looks pretty and it will track some of my activities. AI is a tremendous help, especially when learning new frameworks, but I am worried it might dull my skills.

---

I haven’t done anything meaningful in music this month. I’ve almost stopped consuming media, aside from sporadic gaming, but mindless web surfing is still a big issue. I’d love to find balance - shifting my free time toward iyashikei manga and all kinds of books while keeping harmful content at bay.

---

That tracker program could use home server functionality - something I’ve never done before. I picked C# for the project because I want to use Unity in the future. I had such joy prototyping a game with it last year - why the hell did I delete that project?

This might be the best doujin I have ever read.

---

I had a haircut - it does wonders to my outlook on life. Time to forget about my otaku interests and find myself a girl.

---

On a serious note, I will learn drawing fundamentals. Reaching a point where I can texture a pretty face on a model will be sufficient. Good sense of aesthetics already, just need visual skill to achieve godhood.

---

Today I spent three hours drawing a hand, only to settle for a bone sticking out of an arm.

There is a nice river-view park in the area. I went there to read Hard-Boiled Wonderland. I have read some of Murakami’s books before, but I picked this one because it inspired Haibane Renmei.

---

I read two books about running. They didn’t help me pick up the activity.

---

YouTube keeps shoving breakcore down my throat.

Spent a few hours drawing from this reference. I showed it to some friends, and a few people got curious about my drawing – it is a total cutie, after all.

---

Next time, I want to combine several references to create something more original.

---

Someone mentioned they’ve been listening to my song on repeat and would love an extended version.

---

I’ve been really excited ever since I realized I can remix Koukei.

---

You know, I had no real goal since leaving university. But now, something is starting to take shape on the horizon.

---

For a year, I’ve been constantly dreaming about making my own game. And yeah, I need something far-off, years away. Without it, I’ll die to the everyday.

I am conflicted about what to do. Is it time to develop a new skill?

Today I did my best at work - maybe the issue over the past few days was just the boring task.

---

Then I played League of Legends with a friend. The game is fucking garbage - but we can’t find anything better to play. I can’t believe how many technical issues it has - not to mention the bots and unfair matchups.

---

After that, I played Stellar Blade and listened to three hours of celebrity gossip.

---

Turns out a star who was ever-popular since my childhood was a cocaine-fueled psychopath. Had pizza and beer, too. Finished the day with a UFC fight.

---

Someone mentioned something I wrote here. I didn’t even bug them ten thousand times to read my blog. Thanks!

---

I had an internet friend, who disliked Heat Abnormal.

At work, I didn’t do anything again. I had so little strength today.

---

Reintegrating with society would cost me a lot. Is it worth it? Most of my memories say people fucking suck.

---

I think I have gone outside once this June?

A weekend well spent. I wrote a custom music player for this website and continued work on the timer application. Gahh, I wish I had more time to work on it. When will I find such passion for my day job?

---

Someone tracked me down on Steam and invited me to their visual novels server. I should read Flowers or Subahibi next.

---

I can’t let Discord become a substitute for a social life. These days, I only use it for hobby discussion. Getting personal there makes me chase validation way too easily. As a result, I end up emotionally dependent on strangers.

A blogger vanishes around Stellar Blade release - a tale as old as time. Yeah, I have been having fun gaming and posting on chans. Work is not as ste… good, with many people wanting many things from me.

---

I am mad at myself for not touching music past week. I think more and more about visual arts. I want to do everything at once, but don’t actually do anything. Is it relatable?

---

If I get fired, I will start my indie gamedev journey. Last year, I dabbled in Unity, Unreal, and Blender. Nothing great came out of it, but I think I understand what it takes to make a game - a lot.

---

Neeting does not scare me. Suicide is always an option.

I have a personal domain now!

---

There was no entry yesterday, but I took on an unimaginably boring task at work. Then I bought the domain and was figuring out its setup. Lastly, I added an egui interface to my timer app. It sucked terribly - gonna improve it.

---

Today was kinda rough - I had to take a walk to cool down. A small tension at work, shitty analysis to perform. I received my drawing book, but I also want to program a bit. I have three hours left of the eleventh of June.

I had a very nice day at work. I found a major issue which we had overlooked in previous analyses. I also delivered quite a handsome portion of code.

---

Went outside for the first time in a week, got some cookies and beer. The weather was so nice; I should have sat by the river and read. Unfortunately, I wasted too much time listening to people on the Internet talk about politics.

---

There are so many new games to check out. Today, I gave a chance to Vindictus, but it is only worthwhile for its coombait. Their bodies were so veiny… amazing.

---

Ordered a drawing handbook - if I added visual arts to my skillset I would become God.

---

I flourish every time I cut ties with Internet people. I need to do it as often as possible, the effect doesn’t last.

Oh, I woke up so early. Such days are the best, they feel so long. I am tired now, so the sleep will be a pleasure too.

---

Today I played Dolls Nest and Black Myth: Wukong. The first one is interesting, even if a bit tedious at times, and the second game is cinematic, but not fun.

---

Most of the day I spent learning Rust by coding a small timer application - it will help me at work, but it needs a GUI. I am surprised I code during my free time. It started with this nekopage…

Who the hell enjoys summer? Certainly not me. Thankfully I am old enough for the seasons to pass in a blink… It seems like I will spend it gaming, with so many great premieres lately and ahead.

---

Today I was perfecting the boss challenge in Stellar Blade, enjoying the combat system really much.

---

New layout! A bit more stylish, I think. Rectangles are by far my favourite shapes. Next is to create a custom music player, I want to share my every snippet. Had to disable RSS though, hope nobody minds? I will take care of it eventually.

I am gluttonous and addicted to praise, no question about it.
I also really dislike authority - not the most fortunate feature set.

---

Love this song, love Rime.

---

I didn’t leave my apartment this week.

Well, today was not terrible, but I couldn’t focus. I spent so many hours perfecting my latest song, but it was all in vein.

---

I used randomized effects to generate all the bleeps, making every render unique. I exported the track over twenty times to get the best results, but nothing felt perfect. I am beat, and I have started to hate the song - codename heaven.

---

I will leave it for the other day… also, started working on a media subpage, which will be my journal for anime and vidya.

---

My music-related dream is composing a soundtrack for an indie game.

I was gifted some alcohol and finally found time for it. Soon after, I rejoined the Discord community I have left so many times before. My thoughts are all over the place.

---

I am listening to the snippet from the previous post - I really like it. So do my friends, and a few people online as well.

---

I think I got drunk because of how awful I felt about my body earlier. I couldn’t go out, I was afraid of judgement. Such a change from my last post. Despite staying focused at work and having plenty of free time, the day still feels wasted.

I’m back from my little trip. We had a great evening - it was lots of fun meeting up with people from my previous life.

---

I can’t remember the last time I felt this much sunshine on my skin. The rain caught us while we were partying, but thankfully the umbrella held.

---

They cancelled my train, so I stayed longer in nature. It’s been a month of this nekopage - eight followers and eight hundred views.

---

Thank you.

---